How to Escape After an Awkward Hook up

“Find a way to escape”
We all know that glorious feeling, making a mad dash into the bedroom with a hottie in hand, about to do the nasty after a long night of pursuit. Things are going great. Clothes are flying everywhere; adrenaline is rushing through your body, and bam! The moment of truth. You’ve finally starting getting it on and it’s…not what you expected. Maybe she’s a dead fish, maybe she’s overzealous with the noise, or maybe the sex is just lackluster. Whichever way you cut it; this is just not the happy ending you had hoped for. Obviously one can’t just stop humping, put on their clothes and leave. Nope. Unfortunately you just have to stick with it until the bitter end. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay when the deed is done. Here are a few tips on how to get out fast after an awkward hook up.

“Don’t wait for long enough”
Depending on the chick, there might be some post coital cuddling that could happen. This is a prime opportunity to pretend to fall asleep until you can get out of there. Men fall asleep after sex naturally, so it’s not conspicuous. The ONLY thing that could mess this up is if your arm gets trapped under her neck. If that happens, you’re stuck. However, if worse comes to worse, you can simply roll over. This will possibly wake her up but hey, she doesn’t know how you sleep. Maybe you toss and turn like a mad man. It might take some time, but wait until she falls asleep again. Then you can very quietly grab your clothes and sneak out of the room to get dressed. If you did try to dress in the same room, the noises could wake her up. Walk to the bathroom in any case and get dressed there. From here on out, who cares if she wakes up. You should be long gone. The only downfall to this method is that you may leave something at her house, since you’ll be groping in the dark.
The second approach is a little more blunt. If you don’t care about how she’ll react you can simply stand up and start getting dressed after your bodies are no longer tangled. This will most likely make it more awkward, but in the case of a hook up; it’s not as if you are required to make her breakfast in bed the next morning or anything. Simply make an excuse (I’ve got to get home, my buddies are waiting for me at the bar, etc.) and leave. Make sure you’ve got everything with you.

Let’s say you invited her back to your place. A polite way of getting her to leave would be asking her if she’d like you to walk her back to her car or something. If she tries to invite herself over for the night you can tell her anything from ‘that would make me feel a little weird’ to ‘I’d like to sleep by myself, actually’ to ‘no thanks’. She may have fallen asleep already, in which case you will just have to wait until the morning. She will most likely try to leave quietly anyway.

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